observations of me

the kitchen is last to be cleaned.
i gave up on the big fall
tackle things in small chunks.
infuriate women.
unconsciously walked the footsteps of
present parent
absent parent.
believe in stretched truth.
say things without knowing the meaning
because it sounds good.
perform for i
secretly hoping others are watching.
reveal myself more than others
in order to keep secrets hidden.
in wait of the detective
to call my bluff.
buried treasure.
for a quiet person
i talk a lot.
comfortable with silence
use it as a weapon
let love talk through it.
accept the contradictions of myself.
turned my back on structure
but look at its shadow for guidance.
follow rules of sober self
so intoxicated self
can enjoy its limited time on earth.
i tell myself to keep plans hidden
then slowly let it leak.
make rules break rules.
allow never items
turn in into reality.